100 Word Challenge – Week 58.2: From the Fog

“Oi? Weren’t we s’posed ta meet someone ‘ere?” said one Cockney, clutching his coat closed against the moonlit fog.

“That’s wha’ I said, ya daft wanker! We wait ‘ere till the ol’ byrd comes ‘round, n’ we snag ‘er!” Replied the other, fetching a snack from his pocket.

“And just who would that be?” Quizzed a third intruder, footsteps silent on the cobblestone.

“An’ jus who tha bloody ‘ell wants to know?” The second man challenged, reaching for a blade with his free hand.

He never found it. As the apple fell from his lifeless grasp, the shadow of the haunter scooped it away.

———————————–

And entry #2 for this week’s 100 Word Challenge from Julia’s Place. This one is as much a challenge in material packed into 104 words as much as it is a test in writing speech in accent, since I normally type it how I hear it. Personally, I think that gives it more of a lifelike feel to it, while hopefully being legible.

I hope you all enjoy!

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6 thoughts on “100 Word Challenge – Week 58.2: From the Fog

  1. Mayumi-H says:

    This takes me back to Wuthering Heights.
    Dialects can be difficult to manage within dialogue; it’s often hard to strike the balance between “too much” and “not enough.” You do pretty well with them, here, though. Luckily, that rough, Cockney English is easy to spot, so it’s not very jarring. (Be a little careful with the swearing, though. 😉 )
    I like the swooping assassin quite a bit. Her(? The haunter felt like a woman, to me) more proper dialogue really highlights the dissimilarities between the characters and their “ranks” (for lack of a better word). Nice!

    • Thank you!
      I took a lot of the vocal sounds from Oliver Twist and Sherlock Holmes, so I’m glad it came out translatable. And yea, the swearing may have been a bit much, but oh how lax the PG rating is these days. Makes me miss the days when it meant something.
      Anyway, I’m happy you enjoyed! As prompts allow, I might just give this hunter an identity.

  2. GoofyJ says:

    I like this one too – the shadow of the assassin scooping away the apple is a great image.

  3. KP says:

    Great scene, could our assassin be a ‘lady’? Be careful with the accents. Swearing is ok – if necessary. Well done

    • It’s entirely possible. And should this story progress, you might just find out.
      And I see what you mean about the accents, hopefully next time will look smoother.
      Thanks for reading!

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