It was all over in one sentence; “If I wasn’t already with Chris, we’d definitely be together.”
In ten words, everything I had come to know and trust, and everything that I had been squashing under the gears of reality had been splayed open. For you, who had become my shade in the endless desert of my soul, had just offered me the most bountiful oasis. How I had longed for this moment! At last, I knew that the sputtering and gasping of a restarting heart had been heard and was even echoed in kind. You, dearest angel of mercy, were now made mortal by my desires, and were within my reach.
And all it would cost me was my morality.
In the moment, it would’ve been such a small thing to sacrifice for such a divine reward. How easy would it have been to tell you to abandon him, or even better, say nothing at all and take your lips in mine. Would this have startled you, and would you have pushed me away, forever destroying the budding companionship we had built? Or would fortune favor the brash and you share in the moment.
Would you have been worth the gamble? Absolutely.
The softness of your kiss against my own, I could only imagine was crafted carefully from clouds. The warmth of your skin in my hands would fuel a thousand suns. Would you be as demure as you were beautiful as we fell through the gates of embrace, or did you also restrain wild passions saved only for those most intimate moments? Oh, how I wished to know!
But most important of all in the moment, the beast that was caged behind the bars of honor was as enraged as it was vigorous.
How dare you tempt me with this moment?!
Who are you to test me with my greatest weakness?!
Who gave you the right to be so beautiful?!
Why can’t I simply jettison principal for passion?!
What sane man turns down reprieve from isolation?
The one who must face himself come the dawn.
Which left but one response, “He’s a lucky man. If he ever doubts that, you let me know.”
At that we laugh and carry on the evening, frozen treats and merriment well into the night until at last you depart into the starlight heavens from whence you came, and I continue my courseless drift through the void that was myself.
So, usually, I’m not much of one for looking back on the past, good or bad. I sum it up with a line I take from Elfen Lied: “Regret is the privilege for those who have earned the right to look back on the past.”
But then, last night, came a dream of a time years ago. When faced when the choice of what could be, to what had to be. It was the right call in the end, but the fact this pops into my dreamscape now is…unnerving.
Regardless, I hope you all enjoy.